Craniosacral Calling

By Kailas, CMT, NCTMB, CST, Cert. Ayu.

Trust, Love, and Healing

The morning rays of the springtime sun passed through the airplane window as I cracked Dr. John Upledger’s book on Craniosacral Therapy, while soaring across the United States.

I had chanced upon this enticing volume while perusing the bookshelf of my friend Helen, a wonderful massage therapist in Atlanta. As I withdrew this brown and beige hardcover I realized this was a book to borrow immediately, so I took it to read during the flight the following week to visit my parents and sister.

High aloft, I was brilliantly transported across the seemingly endless horizon of Craniosacral Wisdom, as the truths which Dr. John had penned flowed from the pages of his book into my waiting fingers.

As I read, I began to perceive new sensations in my own body. I began to feel my Craniosacral rhythm.

An uplifting far cry from the intellectual and spiritual wasteland my massage school classes comprised of, the discoveries in this profound book resonated within me, integrating spontaneously with my lifelong love of anatomy and physiology, and with my heart’s passion for personal spiritual development.

Several months earlier, in the fall of 2005, I experienced the reawakening of my interest in massage and bodywork, and this led me to pursue massage therapy as a second career. By the time spring had come, I began massage school and was longing to find “the” therapeutic modality that truly fit my hands and my spirit.

Going to massage school was a hard transition. I had been in an Information Technology career for twelve years and now I wanted to stop working on computers all day… and start working on people!

I knew all the spiritual studies and personal evolution I had undergone over the years would finally find a voice – an expression, a vehicle – in therapeutic massage.

Upon my arrival in Oklahoma, I excitedly told my sister about blazing through the book on the plane. “You probably haven’t heard of Craniosacral Therapy,” I said, assumingly. “This book is the most inspiring thing I have read in years.”

“Well,” said my sister, “I had a Craniosacral Therapy session two weeks ago and it was amazing. My friend Gina is a Craniosacral Therapist and she lives right down my street. Maybe you can book a session with her.”

I was amazed! We made an appointment, and two days later I had my first Craniosacral Therapy session. I slipped gently into a trance and felt my spine unwind for the first time.

As soon as I landed back home in Atlanta, I discovered the Upledger Institute was offering the Craniosacral Therapy I class in only two short weeks. I realized this all could not be by coincidence. I knew I was being “led” to Craniosacral Therapy, so I registered for the class.

An Unexpected Arc

The path I took in Craniosacral Therapy training rapidly brought me to the realization and the deep acceptance that it's the “work” itself which guides a student, and the whole process has very little to do with the conscious mind actually.
Each class you take, each person you work on or get work from, each time you “encounter” Craniosacral Therapy, it is the “work” which teaches you – in often surprising, and even miraculous ways.

The synchronicity which reassures the thinker, the “hand” of the Divine that reassures the mystic, the omen that reassures the shaman, the “sign” that reassures the prophet; these are all present when one opens to the grace-filled “work” of Craniosacral Therapy.

In the spring of 2006 I took Craniosacral Therapy I, and then, Craniosacral Therapy II in late summer; both with the same instructor. An unexpected surprise happened during CST II when I had a fellow student on the table, and we were reviewing the Ten Step Protocol.

I chose to try a lumbosacral decompression technique which is not taught in the classes, but is mentioned in the book by Dr. John, where the supine client’s legs are lifted at a 45° angle, and the therapist decompresses the lumbosacral junction using the patient’s own weight. During the exercise, I added a “wee bit” of Direction of Energy technique as well… and the student I was practicing with burst into tears!

A Teaching Assistant came to the table, and then the instructor, who helped the student safely pass through this unintentional SomatoEmotional Release that had suddenly occurred. I did not know at the time, but because emotional release can distract students in the introductory classes from focusing on beginner’s techniques, these additional aspects of Craniosacral Therapy are intended only for the advanced classes.

My instructor handled the situation, and called a short break. As the class stepped outside into the hotel lobby, she met me at the door with a stern look on her face, and a serious tone. “Keep your personal ‘energy techniques’ out of this class,” she admonished. “Just stay focused on Craniosacral Therapy in this class.”

I immediately assured her I would contain my energy, even though I really didn’t understand what I did wrong. So, with some trepidation and a lot of caution I returned to the class to continue to work.

On the final day of Craniosacral Therapy II, I went up to the head of the class to say goodbye to my instructor, and thank her for the incredible overall experience. She smiled at me for a moment, but then her face grew serious. “Kailas,” she said, “I think you should take Craniosacral I and II over again.”

I humbled myself.

“Ok, I understand…”

“For free,” She said as her smile returned like the sun emerging from behind a cloud.

Resistance is Futile

I phoned the Upledger Institute to schedule my re-takes, and told her my classes were free.

 “But we don’t have a scholarship program…” came the puzzled reply.

So I emailed the education department.   I sensed something was up and decided to allow myself to be guided by the “work.”

Within a month I was registered for the two additional classes I needed to re-take, and had my plane tickets. However, the hotel in Jupiter, Florida, where Craniosacral Therapy I was being held was full. There was no way I could afford the hotels in the area. I was only working part-time and going to massage school. But I left Atlanta feeling totally confident that the “work” would provide me a bed for four nights.

Luckily a classmate put me up the first night. Then on day on day two I asked around, but nobody had any space for me.

That afternoon, I recalled my cousin lived somewhere in Florida but I didn’t have her phone number. So while I scouted possible sleeping locations under trees, and by the beach, I called my sister who gave me my cousin’s phone number.

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that my cousin lived only 40 minutes north of Jupiter, and she had already heard from my sister that I was in need, and she was on her way to pick me up after class.

Once Upon a Neutral Star

My first experience of being in “Neutral” blossomed like an unforgettably beautiful and fragrant rose while I practiced on a fellow student during my Craniosacral Therapy I re-take.

She lay serenely on a massage table like newborn baby, while my left hand cradled her occiput and my right palm softly melded around her sacrum. The world stood still as my mind suddenly became silent, my heart opened wide, and I felt gloriously free. I was but a minute atom, a witness in a vortex of energy.

The spiritual tradition of meditation and yoga has taught for millennia that we can move into the quiet center of our mind and heart. This state is called “sama” in Sanskrit, and it means, “equal.” The equal – or “Neutral” awareness is what resolves the tension arising each minute in our minds.

I had studied eastern spiritual practices for twenty one years, and had the pleasure of many mystical and ecstatic experiences. However, when I “fell” into Craniosacral Neutral was not just a spiritual awareness which emptied my mind of thoughts… but a deep physical feeling of trust that filled my body like a cup of warm milk and honey.

All along I had suspected studying and practicing Craniosacral Therapy was somehow linked to the deepest strata of my spiritual path. This deep experience of Neutral confirmed to me my pursuit of a second career in bodywork, and my spiritual development, were intertwined in Craniosacral Therapy.

The Institute at Rainbow’s End

After my amazing experiences re-taking Craniosacral Therapy I, including the connection with my wonderful cousin, I returned to Florida a few months later to re-take Craniosacral Therapy II which was being held – not in a hotel – but at the Upledger Institute itself. It was obviously no mere coincidence my cousin lived so close, she could drive me to class and pick me up each day.

The entire Upledger Institute was suffused with warmth and a golden light. We studied in the large room at the back of the building, in the Clinic, where the Intensive Program was normally held during the week.

I couldn’t help notice in the corner there was a huge geometrical structure made of welded square tubes – a dodecahedron sculpture into which you could climb and within which, patients were occasionally treated. I naturally connected with this sacred geometry perched radiantly in the corner of the room.

On the opposite side of the building, I discovered an invisible interdimensional gateway, floating in the loft ceiling above the reception area. These interdimensional artifacts balanced the building energetically, calling down the spiritual and healing energies of a higher intelligence into the work done at the Institute.

In traditional societies, healing has always been performed preferably in sacred places aligned with the sacred geometries, and employing gateways to transcendent wisdom and universal compassion. However, I wondered who at the Institute really understood any of that. They all seemed so straight-laced. I knew it was the magical karma of Dr. Upledger that had brought this mix of energy together.

Dr. John has written about everything from Spirit Guides to interspecies communication and he has pioneered some of the most sophisticated techniques of energy work ever developed in a western paradigm. However, he always referred to the wisdom his healing hands taught him, and never really attributed his powers or wisdom or intuition to an other-worldly deity. Dr. John simply trusts his hands.

I feel in light of his contribution to our understanding of healing, it’s a miracle he has not aggrandized himself with any spiritual airs. That is not to say he acts the part of perfect humility. He can be argumentative on a good day… as I would later learn.

Totally at home on the “mothership” of the Upledger Institute, I walked the halls gazing at the beautiful photographs of the therapists bringing joy to their patients, I sat in the sun-drenched classroom, let myself be touched by the “work” once again, and knew I wanted to come here someday to work.

At the front desk sat a business card rack holding the cards of each Staff therapist. There was an empty space on the rack. Using a little of my own magic, I visualized a business card with my name on it sitting beneath the floating interdimensional gateway.

Learning to Trust my Own Hands

During my re-take of Craniosacral Therapy II the instructor suddenly came and sat by my side. “Can I put my hands on yours?” she asked. “Your hands are very energetically-oriented, but you need to be able to feel the difference between tissue, bone, and energy.”

She rested her hands on mine, as my hands in turn rested on the head of the classmate I was practicing with. “Slow down,” said the instructor.

I was feeling so grateful she had come over to instruct me personally. So I surrendered my hands and softened them beneath her gentle guidance. She quietly intoned, “Slow down more.”

My breathing relaxed and I went deeper into my hands. It felt like they began to melt and reform, layer by layer.

“Now it feels to me like you are on the tissue, so now meld with the bone.”

I looked at her questioningly.

She said, “Slow down...”

 I closed my eyes and let my hands soften again.

“There you go. That’s it!”

What’s Up, Doc?

Throughout my life I have been blessed to study with great teachers and spiritual masters, developing disciple to guru, or disciple to teacher relationships. I have been fortunate to get up close to receive personal instruction that has transformed my life.

This treasured intimacy allowed me to serve my teachers with great love and devotion in an attempt to repay them for their blessings of wisdom. I honestly expected this same pattern would play out again in my Craniosacral Therapy study, and I was determined to be at the right place, at the right time, to study with Dr. Upledger himself.

I wanted the experience of studying with Dr. John, so I called the Institute to register for the next class he was personally teaching, only to find out the list of prerequisite classes included SomatoEmotional Release I and II, then Advanced Craniosacral I, which had a two-year waiting list!

I told the registrar, “I have a life-pattern, in which I am always able to study with the Guru,” and I explained to her that my journey in Craniosacral Therapy would not be fulfilled unless I experienced at least one class with the legendary Dr. John Upledger. She probably thought I was crazy but she listened to me with professionalism and compassion. All she could do for me at the time was register me for SomatoEmotional Release I, which I paid for immediately.

A week passed.

The phone rang as I got to my desk one morning, and the same registrar from Upledger greeted me cheerfully, and said, “Dr. John told us last week he wants to teach some new classes this summer because he wants to introduce some new information and connect with some of the newer students like you.

“The first class is in March, and it’s on the cardiac and pulmonary systems. After we spoke last week, I wanted to make sure you’re the first to know. Would you like to register today?”

I told her how grateful I was for her considerate call and pulled out my credit card eagerly anticipating my encounter with Dr. John in the spring.

Until then, I continued studying Craniosacral Therapy by taking Unwinding Meridians: Applying Acupuncture Principles to Craniosacral Therapy, in Oregon in December, 2006. Then I traveled to San Francisco in January, 2007 for SomatoEmotional Release I,

Then in March, when I arrived at the Institute for the class with Dr. Upledger, I saw several familiar faces, and enjoyed feeling the warmth radiating through the beautiful group of students and practitioners.

I noticed Dr. John standing at the podium and I suddenly realized here I was, face to face with the real thing. He was in his mid-seventies by now, looking far more old and frail than on the man I watched in awe on the Craniosacral Therapy training DVDs.

As the class progressed I saw his feisty character emerge. He had strong opinions and very direct words. Dr. John was full of personal authority and the insight that comes not only from experience but from personal brilliance and courage. However he was also weak from a spell of food poisoning from the previous day. This pioneering giant of scientific knowledge was also having trouble with his memory.

Throughout the class, Dr. John amazed us with tales from his rich personal experiences in medicine that challenged the status quo, and explained some of the unreported history behind the development of several medical premises including the how the American Medical Association had intentionally exaggerated the relationship between cholesterol and heart disease due to medical greed.

During a lunch break I passed Dr. John in the hallway and introduced myself. I told him I appreciated him as an embodiment of the often contradictory forces we find in a healer, but have trouble with because we always associate healing with spirituality and compassion and want our healers to be “perfect.”  John Upledger smiled at me and patted my shoulder. “You’re a good man,” he told me.

Later I was privileged to see him work as he demonstrated on one of the students during class. John Edwin Upledger burst to life, excitedly tapping into the life force itself through his piano-player hands. Like an old jazz man working on a delicious riff, Dr. John showed me that a true physician has no resistance to the patient’s body. A maestro jumps right in to the jam.

A Divine Delay

The certification exam consisting of twelve essay questions arrived in my email inbox on the first of February, 2007. It was a Thursday; day of Thor, or Jupiter, who rules bureaucracies, judges, accountants, and examinations. It was the perfect day to play, in the unfolding cosmic drama.

I was celebrating my passion for Craniosacral Therapy and wanted to become certified and call myself a Certified Craniosacral Therapist. Right away I delved into the answer for the first essay question… however within several days my life changed and I took a divine delay.

The charities which my guru founded in India, along with some of her projects at home in the US required expertise which I alone possessed. To answer yet another calling, I decided to commit all my time as a loyal disciple.

Spending all my spare time volunteering required that I stay securely in my corporate job for yet another year. I could not expect during an initial phase of starting a new business in bodywork to retain the financial stability I had enjoyed so far as a computer guy.

Harvesting the fruit of the education I had immersed myself in so deeply, was now on hold. Once more, I had to trust the work would call my name.

A Stillpoint of No Return

“I’m going in,” Dr. Upledger said with a twinkle in his eye, looking right at me as he slid his powerful hands beneath the back of the supine patient lying silently between us. “Can you feel me?”

It was now January 2009, and the patient lying between Dr. John and I was paralyzed; he could not speak or even turn his eyes down to glance at his own body.

“Yes.” I said, looking back at Dr. John confidently. I felt his surging energetic presence blending with every cell in the patient’s body, an invisible but palpable force gently coming to touch my fingers as I sat on the opposite side of the treatment table.

Dr. John connected with each therapist present. At our patient’s head, was a therapist visiting the Upledger Clinic for the day. At our patient’s feet, was his personal therapist, the woman who had come with this patient on a long journey to the Clinic.

It was my third time back to the spacious and mystical room at the back of the Upledger Institute. Now I was in the role of Clinical Extern, practicing Craniosacral Therapy under the stern guidance of the clinic Staff.

For many patients from across the globe the Intensive Program at the Upledger Clinic is a sanctuary to those desperately seeking a miracle. Often they have exhausted all that medical care has to offer. Often they arrive having been told with grim certainly, there is nothing left they can possibly do. And here they find a new possibility… called hope, called Craniosacral Therapy.

Dr. John began to work, and all our hearts and hands blended with the patient. His body began to release waves of physical trauma held within his flesh and bones. He was the survivor of a debilitating car accident that punctured his lung. Then, in the hospital he suffered a heart attack on admission, and a botched intubation that ripped the tissues covering his lungs and heart. In the recovery room he suffered the endless psychological terrors of post traumatic stress.

“What’s his name?” Asked Dr. John. The patient’s therapist said, “His name is also John.”

“Ah!” Said Dr. John, to the patient, “That’s my name too, did you know that? I have a feeling we are going to be great friends.”

As Dr. John spoke to the patient he was fully present and alive, telling stories from his life as he worked, mixing in words of encouragement to the patient, then commenting on the physical changes going on beneath our finger-tips and exchanging smiles with each therapist as delightful expressions crossed his generous, strong face.

His bedside manner was intense: upbeat, thrilling, shining with love, and sometimes decidedly heroic. I knew again that familiar feeling I had the very first time I saw him work; that he was one with the instrument of his hands and the divine instrument of his patient’s body.

Once again I witnessed the single unity of doctor and patient, cause and effect; sorrow and joy, disease and healing, restriction and release, in a timeless flow like a swinging jam session with the greatest jazzmen beneath the full moon light ‘round midnight.

Certifiably Insane

The journey to become a Certified Craniosacral Therapist had nearly come to its end. I had completed the 12 question essay test, and turned it in a few weeks before my Externship began. What I did not know was that my plan to fly to the Institute, complete my Externship, and take my Certification Practicum was going to be thwarted by another unexpected turn.

A misunderstanding had occurred between the educational department upstairs, and the clinical department, downstairs. The clinicians who were authorized to do the practicum testing for certification decided they would not cooperate.

Of course, this had to happen when I arrived after traveling across the nation to their very office doors with my humble request to be tested and certified.

I attempted to find just one person among the esteemed colleagues at the Institute who would grant me but an hour and a half of their precious time. I worked through every channel… but not a soul could afford the time to help me.

Knowing the heart of Neutral and having a trust in the work, I peacefully traversed week after week of this strange and ironic situation; one moment working with a team of compassionate therapists caring for traumatic injury patients – the next moment being avoided in the hall by the most illustrious members of the Institute Staff.

Suddenly, one evening in my fifth week as I sat waiting for my cousin, one of the admins burst from the door calling my name.

“Kailas! Dr. John just said he will certify you in Craniosacral Therapy tomorrow! He said you can treat him and he will certify you.”

A Tendency to Over-Treat

I wept all the way home. A great flood of relief and foreboding coursed through me. I was not afraid of working on Dr. John. I was afraid that he would forget what he said.

That night as I slept, the moon moved across the 27 “lunar mansions” and took residence with my birthstar, Jyestha, which means “the Eldest Sister” in Sanskrit.

In the distant age when the universe was formed, the great Goddess Lakshmi emerged from the Ocean of Milk, followed by her sister, who is closest to her, and eldest among the Divine Mother’s family.

The next morning I was to be tested by an elder Dr. John, not only in age – but also the closest to that bubbling spring of wisdom from which the river of Craniosacral Therapy flows.

As soon as I walked into the break room, I saw the Admin who looked at me with anxious eyes. “Dr. John forgot he said he would test you,” she said. “So you are going to have to remind him.” And with those words she disappeared through the door as if into the clouds.

Sometimes experience is one’s best friend. I knew I had to “trust the work.” So I went into the parking lot to pick an offering of flowers for Dr. John, as if he were a deity on the altar of a Hindu shrine. Knocking at his door, I entered. He was visibly upset about something.

“I brought you these flowers, Dr. John. You said last night you would certify me in Craniosacral Therapy so I will be ready after you make your rounds this afternoon.”

“Ok. We’ll see if you’re worth your shit!”

I guess that’s what Detroit gang members used to say to each other before a fight.

“Yes sir.”

He had totally forgotten what he said. He was not happy that know he had to certify someone he didn’t even remember working with for the last five weeks. He was just in a plain bad mood, and when Dr. John is in a bad mood, it’s best to stay in one’s treatment room with your patients and not get involved. But today, I had to track him down after his rounds, remind him to test me, locate a free treatment room, and take the test.

Somehow the loving and supportive energy of the Upledger Institute that I had experienced thus far had dwindled down to being thrown in a cage with a lion. Or should I say: being invited by “The Lion” into the depths of his lair to determine who had the greater appetite.

By 2:30 pm he was finishing with a patient. I watched him from across the room, counted the seconds, and excused myself from the group of therapists I was working with.

“Dr. John, I am ready for the certification test,” I said.

“Just a minute,” he snapped. “Let me finish this paperwork!”

We found a room and he lay down on the treatment table. A silence ensued. I was expecting him to start testing me but he lay unmoving like an ancient Egyptian mummy with his eyes closed. So I placed my hands at his big feet to evaluate him and then decided to place my hands on the right side of his chest to treat him.

This produced a few giant sighs of release from the enormous old man lying like a fallen oak tree on the road. Then, suddenly nothing but the silent darkness hovered between us. He turned to rock and my hands were lost upon his chest as if resting in the meaningless void.

So I moved and took his cranium between my hands. I could hardly grasp his weighty head. As I evaluated through the best of my palpation skills, I found only one issue to treat: a slight angle in his jaw that probably came from a straight-on punch during a gang fight long ago called to me, but I palpated a bit deeper, and got a clear feeling this was an inconsequential issue not worth treating. After all, I was holding the man who had over 30 years of Craniosacral Therapy performed on him by his senior students, his Staff at the Institute, and his esteemed wife.

What, I asked myself, was I possibly going to do for Dr. John Edwin Upledger?

I decided to “go in” with all I had. I widened my field and palpated the energetic level of his craniosacral system. I felt nothing to treat in the luminous space of Dr. John’s craniosacral system. I felt as if I was holding a clear tube of light that traversed the entire six feet plus of his enormous body.

So I went deeper, and palpated his DNA looking for ancestral patterns to see if there was something to release or an ancestor to appease. Then I contacted and melded with the Five Elements: earth, water, fire, air, and space – as they were situated in his chakra system. But still I felt nothing that presented as treatable, or even organized or testable.

Finally, I asked, “How is your digestion?”

“Fine.”

“How is your elimination?”

“What?”

“Are you pooping OK?”

“Yes.”

“How are your relationships with your children?”

“Fine.”

“OK,” I said, “I can’t find anything to treat on you.”

“What?”

“Well, I can’t treat you because I can’t find anything which presents to me – or calls to me to be treated. So I think we’re done.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. What else can I do?”

Dr. John got off the treatment table and went to the counter to pick up his wallet. I had prepared a gift for him, and pulled a small Ganesh Yantra from my pocket and presented it to him. He gruffly asked me what it was. “It’s a good luck charm,” I said. “Put it on your desk. It will help with your memory. The elephant never forgets, you know?”

He took it, and left.

Anybody Got Practicum?

Dr. John was absorbed in work and for the next few days nobody ventured to ask him if he was still going to certify me.

My last week at the Upledger Institute was coming and soon I would be leaving for Portland. I told the certification program Coordinator that because I had been tested under different standards and not asked the same questions all other Certified Craniosacral Therapists had to answer, I didn’t feel I could be certified fairly.

I went over the events of my encounter with Dr. John, mentally churning the experience as I worked in the Clinic while my Externship came swiftly to a close.

Just prior to my departure the Admin informed me, “Dr. John said your palpation skills are accurate. And he also said you have ‘a tendency to over-treat’.”

She looked at me to read my reaction and her eyes met mine. “I completely understand, thank you for asking him,” I replied.

Yes, my palpation skills are accurate. I knew this because my accuracy brought a constant stream of compliments from the Staff who were pleased to work with me and validated and encouraged me.

Yes, my energy work directly accessed the patient’s core. I knew this early on in light of my experience with the student who went into a SomatoEmotional release, prompting my first instructor to grant me free study.

Dr. John had challenged me to show him I knew my shit, and after he let out those initial sighs of release, and then went dead as a doornail on the table, I let him have both barrels.

But he tricked me. He knew all along I had the shit… otherwise why would he personally suddenly volunteer to certify me? When was the last time that happened? Years.

The lesson I had to learn was to trust not just the work, not just my hands, but to trust unconditionally the body on my treatment table… no matter how deep, and slow, and silent its unfathomable wisdom!

In the Air Again

I said goodbye to Mr. John Edwin Upledger, wondering if this was to be the final time I stood in his presence. He warmly reached out to me, saying, “If you ever have any questions, write me a letter, and I will write you back. Have a good one.”

I left West Palm Beach and was again in the air, crossing the nation on my way to Portland, Oregon, after my six weeks at the Institute. Dr. John, the Staff, and the patients all left an indelible mark on my soul: the transfiguration from student to therapist was complete.

My trip to Portland had been in the planning stages for four months. I was traveling to sit at the feet of my Guru to receive her spiritual blessings and personal guidance. However, the single authorized tester who had the generosity of heart to finally give me my practicum examination just happened to live a few hours from Portland.

Just before I left the Institute I had called her from the list of testers, to inquire if she could help me. In a kindly and down-to-earth voice she told me she would be happy to, and that she planned on being in Portland in a few weeks, visiting friends.

We arranged that she could meet me at my host’s home, and one of my oldest friend’s husband would be the body on the table during the practicum.

After a few weeks in Oregon, she appeared at the door, and we ascended the stairs to the little guest room I was staying in, which I had prepared for the practicum. Within an hour and a half, I she informed me, “I am going to pass you. The Institute will send you your certificate in a few weeks. You did very well.”

I smiled, realizing there was only one thing left to do: Trust the work.

©2009 Kailas. All rights reserved.

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©2009 Kailas. All rights reserved.